So the Feel Good diary was a success. If you follow me, you can imagine I have a less than status quo view of “self care” and healing. These items help keep me grounded, calm and tuned in. Highlighting the biggest items but daily:
+ Intentional silence.
+ Books on tape or music that makes me feel good.
+ Corrective exercises / movement (15-20 mins)
+ Connecting with friends and/or family.
+ Talking to someone I love / laughing.
24March19 / Sun: I finish my grad school work early and have a workout planned today. I got home over a week ago from a month of work travel but my body just can’t get right. I’m tired and my brain is shot. Work isn’t stopping but I need a break break…so, what do I do? I obsessively look at resorts and try to figure out a trip I can take myself on. So far I’ve looked at Miami (home away from home) and the Canary Islands (I can get 6 nights in a dope resort for what I pay in MIA for 3 nights… hmm.)
Workout: Lifting keeps me sane. Today is heavy, hip thrusts and a lot of lunge combinations. I get into a groove bc I’m angry. I’ve been angry for a few days now. My heart is in a terrible place, and if we are being honest, I’m dealing with feelings over an abusive relationship that part of me still doesn’t want to admit was abusive.
Cook at home and really love the stabilizing power of whole, simple foods. Though I don’t have much of an appetite, I need to refuel post workout.
Form roll and try not to be angry that a picture of hamstrings did so well on the internet with skeevy ass men. I think I blocked 50+ today. Makes me sick to be in my own body sometimes.
25March 19 / Mon: Mondazeeee. I wake up at 6am, plenty of time to overthink everything. Force myself to get up and do anything to not get caught in my own head.
Therapy: I’m lucky to have an amazing therapist who will work with my schedule and has taught me a great deal about power and righteousness the last 6-9 months. I sit down and the tears start. I intellectualize my feelings and I’m working to sit with how I feel instead of explaining them away.
I come away with notes on paying attention to what I’m consuming (ie. is what I watch / listen to / read helping or hurting? Where can I find true healing?) and if I book more travel, to take time out to truly disconnect; such as a hike, meditation classes, workshops, or a retreat.
Man, I’m working on a course right now for people on the internet to care more about their own well-being and I can’t even get out of my own way.
Body work with Amy: Amy is a physical therapy with an approach that is nothing short of magic. She’s super knowledgeable about the body and we both have the same belief that the body knows more than we do, if we just listen. Pain is the body’s way of saying, something is up. Tune in.
With my traveling, I did a handful of 3-4 heavy lifting workouts and managed to hurt after each. This is super uncommon, and pains I haven’t had. My right hip flexor was a mess after one. My back was jacked up after another. My left hip was super painful after the next. All this while on and off of planes didn’t help. Not to mention the emotional bull shit I’ve been going through.
This was the first time I could relax in a while. We worked on my tilted right hip, a tight psoas and my cranial muscles (migraines and stress.)
Notes: Cues on posture.
Don’t collapsing into my flexibility.
Work on right side.
Exercises with ball.
Allow yourself to feel so you can heal.
26March19 / Tues: My sleep was restless and I wake up emotional again.
Buy myself a swimsuit before 10am. I am weak with swimwear, but there is a slight moment of comfort that comes from it. Retail therapy is alive and well. I’m still trying to book vacations but have to justify how much money I’d be spending on it. Sometimes I wonder, how much will I spend in the name of self care before I truly learn that you should create a life you don’t have to escape from?
Breethe App. I pay $13 a month for this bc it’s my most favorite meditation app. I also listen to the master classes here. For today? Wayne Dryer. A favorite. And it’s not triggering like the news and podcasts.
Workout: Instructed not to lift today… but I need something to do with myself or despair creeps in or I keep trying to book trips (today I’ve looked all over Mexico, Bahamas, and Isle Mujeres…this trip is gonna happen soon enough.) I’m dreading how loud and dirty the gym is, so I choose a spot where I have friends, which feels good. I’ll go and do slow, lower weight and higher rep, and work in my PT exercises. It felt great. I left wanting to do more but knew this was not a week to push myself.
I need to find a local float tank.
27March19 / Wed:
Wake up with my body feeling great. No aches or pains or soreness.
Sleeping better and not waking up so emotional. I’m trying y’all. I’m really trying. I vacillate between thinking I’m an independent woman who can handle anything and admitting how much certain things hurt me. Some people have such a power to inflict pain they know nothing about.
Listening to a song over and over that feels good for me. I keep it on and it will be a song of healing.
Laser: I love these sessions. This is number 6. I go to Laser Away, and have had nothing but positive experiences.
Massage: I booked a 90 minute at Chill House bc I have a gift certificate for about 50% of this. I’ll pay the rest. I request deep tissue and they have to make sure they have a therapist who can do deep tissue. It’s magical and just the work I needed.
Massage therapy is wildly important on my list of healing activities.
Reading for Grad School: I have a book on my Kindle for Mac I’m reading. I *hate* reading on a computer but am manipulating the screen colors to try to salvage my eyes. I also have blue light lens in all my glasses, but you can never be too considerate of these lights.
Try blue light glasses even if you don’t have prescriptions here.
28March19 / Thurs:
Take today off working out to record a Podcast for UNDO radio. Leave feeling refreshed and connected; what a beautiful human I got to talk with. Bunmi is wonderful!
Check out my episodes on UNDO radio soon soon.
29March19 / Fri:
Drinks and dinner with girls: The best way to wrap up a week. The fellowship with other women I love always makes my heart full. There is something about the love and power of sisterhood the cannot be matched and should be embraced. I love these women. I admire these women. I’m proud of these women. I’m inspired by these women. And I always come away feeling loved and supported, as well as full on fun and laughs, even if Tech Bro tears tried to ruin our happy hour in Dumbo.
30March19 / Sat:
Lifting: Was so ready for this workout. Felt revived, and left wanting more. Feeling strong is great and my back no longer hurts (thank you corrective work Amy! We are only just beginning.)
31March19 / Sun:
Travel booked: Managed to book a trip to see my family in CA, and added a trip back to a beach for me in later April. Air. Hotel. Done and done. Time to select a book and truly disconnect (if I can, and I must) while I’m there.
Link up with the original NYC pals: In keeping with my avoid-isolation-when-you’re-hurting theme, I link up with some old pals. Nothing makes my soul happier than to watch people grow and evolve; turn into the grown ass humans they are. The real ones always stay connected.
However, I need to find a new hang out spot as this one is tainted with the spirit of a life once lived, it smells like memories and escapism. Putting new bodies with more love in the same space is only partially reclaiming it. Give this time.
1April19 / Mon:
Dentist: In keeping with my health and wellness (and peace of mind) I always make time for dentist, doctor and gyno appointments. 6 month cleaning and check up. Dentistry has progressed so much since I was a child getting my teeth picked at. Debating Invisalign for my bottom teeth - looking at quite the financial investment. We will see.
Session2 with Amy: Today was less emotional for me but my right hip is still tilted forward slightly.
I’m sent home with new corrective exercises and a a new respect for the Pelvic Girdle. I’m learning a lot about the connection and activation of the [pelvic floor - abs - glutes - ribs] lock that is necessary for all the other work I do in the fitness and yoga world. Certain poses I’ve always been able to cue into the mind/body connection but time and familiarity will have you sinking into normal movement without thinking as much.
As Amy says, the body goes back to where it wants. We have to re-train and learn new ways to move consciously.
We should all probably read The Body Keeps The Score again as well.
2April19 / Tues:
Financial Planner Meeting: Wellness and money is a huge market we are just beginning to tap into. I had a therapist in HS who told me, it’s never about money. Your stress is about something else but you’re projecting it onto money. However, I think it works in a vice versa system. Money is a massive stressor and when we are in survival mode, we cannot think about anything else (much try to find ourselves, our passions, and definitely cannot reach self actualization.) Much like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, if we don’t have the basics taken care of, we cannot grow as individuals.
All that being said, financial care = self-care.
3April19 / Wed:
Clear + Brilliant Laser Facial: So I don’t think this qualifies as a relaxing facial at all. It’s painful today. I truly don’t think the numbing creme worked. However, I’m told the results are wonderful so I’ll continue this as part of my taking-care-of-me-makes-me-happy agenda. Upset I can’t workout for 24 hurst’s afterwards though, need to get my lifting session, but did my corrective exercises yesterday and today.
4April19 / Thurs:
LED Light Treatment (40 mins) with Joanna Vargas NYC: Mucho relaxing. I’m here for any and all forms of healing and skin improvement. https://joannavargas.com/treatments/
Bandier Facial with NuFACE: This powerful little tool can be used daily and helps to lift and de-puff the face through micro-currents. Anyone who wants to touch my face is relaxing. Love the NuFACE.
Dinner with nice humans: Could use more of this.
5April19 / Fri:
Trellis Health Fertility Friday: I’m a huge fan of empowering women though knowledge end information. Fertility and egg freezing have been huge topics in my personal and professional spaces as of late. Perhaps it’s being in my mid 30s, or because we finally have so many resources to learn about fertility before we have issues. Egg freezing also is a relatively new procedure that is a powerful insurance, if you will, for many women.
At the Trellis Hour I learned so much about the egg freezing process, fertility in your 30s, and I even did a full fertility assessment at Trellis. Knowing about my reproductive health is a major part of wellness and well being for me, especially because I’m in the market for little CB’s soon enough.
So there you have it. I’m in awe that two months and a whole new living situation has passed since I wrote all this (and another solid three weeks of travel happened in there as well.)
However, I’m alive, well, and thriving.
I share these entries to remind you, healing is a daily habit. I have the access and ability to engage in so many cool and innovative processes that help, but it’s just as easy to journal, mediate, seek out loving friends, find affordable therapy or group meetings, move your body or go for a long walk, listen to great music, and take care of your body inside and out.