So many years of education and no one taught us how to love ourselves. 

I’m often asked about self love and how I seem so “content” or “happy.” 

And the truth of the matter is, I’m content because I’ve come to a place of radical acceptance for all that is my life. From all the trauma, and dark depths of depression, to a multitude of situations not working out quite how I would have liked, to things completely falling apart. To be happy, to love yourself, also means you look at those dark reservoirs and make peace with them as a means to move forward. How can you completely and whole heartedly accept who you are if there are sides of yourself you’re too afraid to explore? 

It’s about reshaping conversations we have in our minds, and rewriting the stories we tell ourselves. Our internal dialogue shapes how we view the world, and our selves. As I talk about body empowerment and body positivity, I’m also reminded we are far more deep and complex than just our physical forms. Shame and guilt and layers of pain reside within so many of us. Hovering under the surface, riding along with us throughout our lives, altering our relationships, our internal dialogue, our perception, and ultimately our “self love” and “contentment.” 

So when I think of self love, and living a content life, I think we aim to be a whole person and take the time, and care to learn about ourselves as we are. Look at all the obvious, positives of life. Look at thetrauma. Look at your pain, and let your pain be your power. By owning the shadow side qualities (ones we might deny or not even want to accept about ourselves) we can become whole people who, hopefully, are more fulfilled, more compassionate towards ourselves, and practicing self love in a real way. 

Certainly things like nourishing food that is good to eat and good to think helps. Going to the gym, or finding activities you enjoy that require you to move your body more helps. Letting go of comparison, and ultimatums in thought, unhealthy relationships, and negative environments also helps. 

But there is no real self love happening until you see it all as an inventory of the self. The process is the real gift. I wouldn’t say I’m the happiest, or the most content, but I’m at peace with myself, my place in the world, and my body. Everything else are just beautiful additions to an already sound place of living.